Well it’s 1AM and I can’t sleep. I napped today from 4:30PM to 7PM between J.T.’s feedings which felt good. I just walked into my bedroom and found both of my men sound asleep and both snoring. Normally snoring is not a lovely sound, but when I am wide awake it’s not so bad. I have a lot of peace knowing my family is sleeping soundly, bundled warmly and happy. Having a sick husband and newborn child was not a fun combination but I realized that it is a great honor that I have been given to care for this infant and help my husband get better. It is a gift to have people to care for, love and nurture. I am not happy that he was sick, but after he took care of me for nearly 9 months it was nice to return the favor. I am very thankful he is better though.
Having Jonathan has renewed me spiritually. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for my baby boy, his health and his life. Being pregnant and giving birth has given me a different perspective on mothers and babies and I feel so connected to other mothers, especially those that experience heartache. My heart breaks for the broken hearts of parents who lost a child or didn’t get to have their child (name of Angels on the wall at the hospital). Even before I was married I always answered the question of “what is your biggest fear” by saying losing a child. That is even more true now that Jonathan is in my life, I want to protect him from everything that might bring him harm but know that won’t be possible when he is older. For now, he’s the sweet little boy that I get to cuddle with every day, love, kiss, feed, and nurture. Still trying to stop time so I can keep him this way. Thank you Lord for this precious life you’ve entrusted to me and Josh.